7 Things Not to Say to a Single Woman (In Her 30s)

I’ve read a post or two about Christian dating. What can I say? Christians are, as my grandma used to say, in love with love.

Example A: The latest reality show It Takes a Church. It’s a show where your church finds their single ladies a spouse. My first thoughts  were to each his own. My second thoughts were along the lines of NO BLOODY WAY would I be on that show. More so because the world does not need to see my dating life minute by minute.

That wouldn’t be awkward at all.

But the thing is, when you’re a single gal in the church there’s lots of awkward moments, whether they consist of blind dates, advice on how to “cure” singleness or just blatant and horribly random statements.

It’s all fun and games when you’re in your twenties too. You know what I mean. People are happy you’re focusing on learning about life, finding your passions and enjoying those young carefree years. Everyone likes to say, “You’re young! Don’t you worry! You have plenty of time!”

And then you turn 30.

Dang son! You’re getting up there, in case you didn’t notice. Suddenly it’s no longer cute-spiritual-and-fun single, it’s you-better-get-married-and-fast single. We’re talking prayer warriors appearing out of nowhere like a herd of walkers.

I thought I’d compile a list of my favorite pieces of advice/questions/suggestions (no doubt from well meaning folks), because a girl can’t help but chuckle.

1. “It’ll come to you when you aren’t looking.”
You make it sound like the past 30+ years I have climbed the highest heights, dove into the depths of the oceans, looked under every rock and drove around every major city looking for a husband to be. Crazy thing…I actually haven’t. I’m not looking, I’m not-not looking. I’m simply living life. That statement sounds like I’ve been desperate and need to calm down. Quite the opposite. Plus, do you say that to people who are online dating?

I think I can drop the mic now.

Just because Kevin Hart’s face is hilarious.

2. “Your standards are too high.”
Y’all. I can’t. If you asked me what I look for in a man and I immediately pulled out a Luther-style list, by all means tell me this. But every woman should at least have a few things she deems worthy and important.

So having a few standards is too much? Shemar does not agree.

3. “Why don’t you go out and meet people?”
Well, because I think hanging out with my cat watching movies on Friday AND Saturday night is a much better way to meet people and my husband. I thought my husband would just show up one day. No? Where have I been?

Also, thank you for thinking I have no social life.

4. “When are you going to start having kids?”
Forget the dating questions, let’s get straight to kids. Might as well toss in some stats of older women having children. We really appreciate those. Nothing like hearing about my singleness and my failure to be fruitful and multiply.

Tina knows.

5. “You went on a date?? When’s the wedding!?”
Lord have mercy. And people wonder why single friends don’t talk about dates or even a cute fella they saw at church. One date has become equivalent to a proposal. We all appreciate the enthusiasm, but please, pump.them.brakes.

6. “I’ll be praying God brings the right person into your life.”
That’s sweet of you to want to pray for me, but how about asking me what I need prayer for instead of assuming finding husband is the only thing in my prayer journal. Say unlimited flights for the rest of my life? Or a trip around the world? There’s also the Beauty and Beast library I’ve been eying for an age. I mean, go big or go home right?

7. “Have you tried ChristianMingle.com or E-Harmony?”
I need to first make this clear: I don’t have anything against online dating. I promise, I don’t. I try and get my single friends to join all the time (I’m close to setting up accounts for some of them – just don’t say anything). One of my favorite romantic comedies is You’ve Got Mail. I’ve celebrated friend’s weddings who meet through such sites. But why must people act as if this is now my only option or that I’ve never heard of these sites? That’s the part that’s irksome. As if single folks have never thought or tried this? Just sayin…I’m pretty sure we’ve thought through our single status and our options. Side note: I did put my friend on it once for losing a bet and no, she didn’t meet anyone.

There are more, as I’m sure some of you may have experienced, but I couldn’t bring myself to write them for the internet as they are beyond absurd. Now lest you think I’ve become a feisty sassy frass over this, I promise I’m not. I also don’t think it’s wrong to desire such things (maybe I should write a follow up post about the opposite end of the spectrum), but if you can’t laugh, what is life right?

Life is an adventure and it’s been fun to see the journey of my friends when it comes to this thing called love. Some still hear these funny lines, some are dating fellas and some are married. God has the perfect plan no matter what stage your life is in, so high fives internet. High fives!

What are some good ones you’ve heard? I’d love to know I’m not alone! Also, what do y’all think of the latest in reality television?!


22 thoughts on “7 Things Not to Say to a Single Woman (In Her 30s)

  1. @manuelreyesglz says:

    Great post. Too much beloved bretheren trying to play Queen Mother a get her princess a blue prince.
    You can serve perfectly God beeing single that’s what Paul says 1 Corintian 7:7
    Big hug Jamie

  2. talesofwhimsy says:

    I love this post. It’s very real. I’m married but I didn’t marry until I was 31. So I can relate a bit. I remember my abuela telling me on my 30th birthday that, “Enough is enough. It’s time to get serious.” Like I’d been playing around or something? LOL

    I like when people offer to pray for me. But I get what you’re saying.

    On a side note, I met my husband online.

    So ok what should you say to a single woman in her 30s, should the topic come up? Or if they’re sad and looking for some encouragement?

    • jamielynne82 says:

      Thank you! 🙂 I can only imagine my grandmas saying the same thing if they were still alive! And yes, I definitely like people praying for me too! I’m never opposed to having people pray about that, but just as long as that’s not the only thing they’re praying for or that they think that needs to be my biggest priority you know?

      What a fun story for you and your husband! I think it’s a great way to meet people and I love hearing the stories 🙂

      That’s a great question! I should probably also add it’s different when it’s a close friend or family. I know when they ask about anything dating related or if I’m still talking to a guy or what not, it’s because they want to know about my life, not because they want to make sure I check off the marriage box. So it’s not annoying or frustrating because they’re the people I go to about anything. There are definitely times I do need/want to talk about this too (especially since I have such amazing friends and I don’t know why the men of the world haven’t snatched them up! ;).

      So if there’s someone like that in your life, then I think encouragement (reminders of God’s faithfulness/plans/etc are always good to hear for me!) is most welcome, especially if they bring it up. Just don’t push them to the dance floor when the bouquet toss comes at a wedding ;).

      And…. my response turned into an essay – haha! Sorry!

      • talesofwhimsy says:

        All sound advice. 🙂 Thank you for answering that.

        So I’m wondering does anyone ever really meet someone they date at weddings?

  3. Wesley at Library Educated says:

    Good for you for not replying to these statements with angry eyes and hands itching to strangle someone.
    I’m in a different situation that also prompts unsolicited advice from people (Married, no fertility problems, choosing not to have kids).The things that almost strangers feel the need to say on your personal life choices boggles.my.mind.

    • jamielynne82 says:

      Thanks – laughing makes all things easier 😉 Oh yes, I have some friends who have dealt with that as well. Maybe its a generation thing? I know some folks who get downright angry because a woman chooses not to have children. It’s a choice folks and not one you have the right to make for another! People are most definitely an interesting species 😉

  4. Bailey K. says:

    Haha! I might not be single, but this is hilarious. And I can relate to the fact that I’ve been married for over 5 years and don’t have kids yet. I don’t understand why OTHER PEOPLE think they know what’s better for us. Oh well! 🙂

    • jamielynne82 says:

      Yeah – it’s funny how people react to singles and married couples w/o kids. People seem to want their visions for life to be your visions for life! Oh well – makes for fun blog topics right? 🙂

  5. Rissi says:

    Jamie, once again, you have written a real, yet hilarious post. Girl, keep it up!

    Love this SO much.

    …most especially your “life is an adventure” statement. Maybe it’s cliché to say, but it’s not healthy to obsess over the “meet-cute” or getting a guy. Girls should be living life because once you marry life is going to be VERY different (so enjoy your life as it is now) even though it will be beautiful, you’ll not have the same life you do now.

    Thank you for this!

    • jamielynne82 says:

      So glad you stopped by and enjoyed it Rissi! I can’t agree with you enough – live and enjoy whatever stage your at now right?! God’s plan has always blown mine out of the water, so I think I’ll keep trusting Him with this too 🙂

  6. Ganise says:

    I’m in my ( soon-to-be-ending *sniff*) teen years and happily in the Singles’ Club, if there is such a thing as that, anyway 😉 *high five*, Jamie. Society tends to indeed put a lot of pressure on us — but, in the end, the choice is always ours. I’ve always admired women who depend on God and not on getting a man. Thank you for standing as great examples to young women who are horrendously throwing themselves at men. Contrary to what society tells us, romance doesn’t lead to complete happiness. Cheering you on as you choose to live life to the fullest, Jamie. Right there with you.

    • jamielynne82 says:

      How exciting! My twenties were a blast and my thirties are even better, so you have some fun years ahead of you! And thank you! It’s amazing the plans the Lord has, even if they are so different from what I planned or imagined! I’m excited for your journey and new chapter in your life as well – may the Lord bless it abundantly!

  7. Violet says:

    I completely agree with everything said in this post!!! The other day someone said to me(thinking it was a compliment) Why aren’t you married yet- I mean you’re so awesome and easy going? You’d think you would be married by now….Really???!!!

    And I love you’ve got mail as well.

    • jamielynne82 says:

      Oh yes! I’ve heard that too. It’s one of those things where I think “well thanks, but now I feel worse.” 😉 Always good times!! But at least it makes for some stories right? 🙂

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