I’ve read a post or two about Christian dating. What can I say? Christians are, as my grandma used to say, in love with love.
Example A: The latest reality show It Takes a Church. It’s a show where your church finds their single ladies a spouse. My first thoughts were to each his own. My second thoughts were along the lines of NO BLOODY WAY would I be on that show. More so because the world does not need to see my dating life minute by minute.
That wouldn’t be awkward at all.
But the thing is, when you’re a single gal in the church there’s lots of awkward moments, whether they consist of blind dates, advice on how to “cure” singleness or just blatant and horribly random statements.
It’s all fun and games when you’re in your twenties too. You know what I mean. People are happy you’re focusing on learning about life, finding your passions and enjoying those young carefree years. Everyone likes to say, “You’re young! Don’t you worry! You have plenty of time!”
And then you turn 30.
Dang son! You’re getting up there, in case you didn’t notice. Suddenly it’s no longer cute-spiritual-and-fun single, it’s you-better-get-married-and-fast single. We’re talking prayer warriors appearing out of nowhere like a herd of walkers.
I thought I’d compile a list of my favorite pieces of advice/questions/suggestions (no doubt from well meaning folks), because a girl can’t help but chuckle.
1. “It’ll come to you when you aren’t looking.”
You make it sound like the past 30+ years I have climbed the highest heights, dove into the depths of the oceans, looked under every rock and drove around every major city looking for a husband to be. Crazy thing…I actually haven’t. I’m not looking, I’m not-not looking. I’m simply living life. That statement sounds like I’ve been desperate and need to calm down. Quite the opposite. Plus, do you say that to people who are online dating?
I think I can drop the mic now.
2. “Your standards are too high.”
Y’all. I can’t. If you asked me what I look for in a man and I immediately pulled out a Luther-style list, by all means tell me this. But every woman should at least have a few things she deems worthy and important.
3. “Why don’t you go out and meet people?”
Well, because I think hanging out with my cat watching movies on Friday AND Saturday night is a much better way to meet people and my husband. I thought my husband would just show up one day. No? Where have I been?
Also, thank you for thinking I have no social life.
4. “When are you going to start having kids?”
Forget the dating questions, let’s get straight to kids. Might as well toss in some stats of older women having children. We really appreciate those. Nothing like hearing about my singleness and my failure to be fruitful and multiply.
5. “You went on a date?? When’s the wedding!?”
Lord have mercy. And people wonder why single friends don’t talk about dates or even a cute fella they saw at church. One date has become equivalent to a proposal. We all appreciate the enthusiasm, but please, pump.them.brakes.
6. “I’ll be praying God brings the right person into your life.”
That’s sweet of you to want to pray for me, but how about asking me what I need prayer for instead of assuming finding husband is the only thing in my prayer journal. Say unlimited flights for the rest of my life? Or a trip around the world? There’s also the Beauty and Beast library I’ve been eying for an age. I mean, go big or go home right?
7. “Have you tried ChristianMingle.com or E-Harmony?”
I need to first make this clear: I don’t have anything against online dating. I promise, I don’t. I try and get my single friends to join all the time (I’m close to setting up accounts for some of them – just don’t say anything). One of my favorite romantic comedies is You’ve Got Mail. I’ve celebrated friend’s weddings who meet through such sites. But why must people act as if this is now my only option or that I’ve never heard of these sites? That’s the part that’s irksome. As if single folks have never thought or tried this? Just sayin…I’m pretty sure we’ve thought through our single status and our options. Side note: I did put my friend on it once for losing a bet and no, she didn’t meet anyone.
There are more, as I’m sure some of you may have experienced, but I couldn’t bring myself to write them for the internet as they are beyond absurd. Now lest you think I’ve become a feisty sassy frass over this, I promise I’m not. I also don’t think it’s wrong to desire such things (maybe I should write a follow up post about the opposite end of the spectrum), but if you can’t laugh, what is life right?
Life is an adventure and it’s been fun to see the journey of my friends when it comes to this thing called love. Some still hear these funny lines, some are dating fellas and some are married. God has the perfect plan no matter what stage your life is in, so high fives internet. High fives!
What are some good ones you’ve heard? I’d love to know I’m not alone! Also, what do y’all think of the latest in reality television?!